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On being in tune with the spirit

October 27, 2010

 

The restaurant at the end of the universe

Right next to the radio station at the end of the universe

Welcome to the first edition of “Ask (Dis)Grace”! Here I will take questions asked to me by readers (or I will find questions anywhere on the internet, since it’s highly unlikely that anyone is addressing any questions directly to me at this time) and answer them in what I hope to be an immensely helpful and satisfactory way.

Redditor i_am_mischief asks:

…when people say, “Well you don’t enjoy church because you’re not in tune with the spirit,” or “You left because you weren’t in tune with the spirit”, or “<Insert rude comment about not being in tune wtih the spirit here>”, what are they really saying?

I’m not stupid enough?

I’m not sensitive enough?

I’m too rational?

I’m relying on my brain and not my feelings?

I don’t read the BoM enough?

I’m not easy enough to brainwash?

Good question, mischief!

…But I think you’re looking at it from a bit of a misguided angle here. The real answer is very simple.

As you are aware, Mormons believe in a god that is material and resides (or at least has a condo) within our material universe…he is somewhere around a star or planet or some other feature of the universe named “Kolob.”

But our Father in Heaven loves us! And he wants to stay in contact even if mom won’t even speak to us. So how can our Father stay in contact with us as a material being, residing in a material universe  of physical laws?

Two words: Radio station.

God broadcasts his love to all of us from his radio station. In fact, Kolob itself is a translation error for the station KLOB.

God’s technology is far superior to ours, of course, so he uses a radio frequency that, unlike AM, FM, or any of the other forms of radiation that modern science has discovered, can reach us all the way over in this backwater of the universe called the Milky Way (although apparently, it still comes to us pretty garbled, and people often get the message wrong). Additionally, the pure, fine energy that composes the spirit’s wavelength cannot yet be discerned with scientific measures — but hey, once upon a time, we couldn’t detect infrared! The coolest thing about the spirit’s frequency is that it’s two-way. We can send messages to God via this frequency!

There’s one catch, however. While God is constantly transmitting and receiving, much like with mundane human radio stations, we must be in tune with the frequency in order to hear the message. We must, therefore, be in tune with the spirit, in order to be in constant communication with our Father in Heaven.

And that’s why members use that phraseology with you, mischief.

It’s not that you’re not stupid. It’s that you’re out of tune and out of touch.

 

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12 Comments
  1. OMG this is hilarious. Andrew, you need to do satire more often. This made my day.

  2. Haha, thanks, Mme Curie.

    But I don’t think I’m that creative to do this regularly.

  3. omg, if i had known THIS i never would’ve left. so much more clear than the garbled “uhm, uh” stuff i always got. alas, i think i am–oh man, what’s the scripture? just can’t hear it anymore. sigh.

  4. Intuition is being tuned to your spirit.
    Everybody wants to see and/or hear what their spirit is saying but you are right you just feel it and react with it. That is realize not just react to it.

  5. this is a great blog

    but I can see people latching onto this as being real.

    so, excellent on you.

    btw the Hitchhiker’s trilogy in 4 parts (I do not include Mostly Harmless or the recent one done by another writer as being part of the canon)

    is in my top 5 fave series of books of all time

  6. I can see not counting the Colfer book as part of canon…but not including Mostly Harmless?

  7. If GOD is everywhere (omnipresent) then he is inside us.
    Therefore we are inside him.
    The connection is called spirit and yes it is real.

  8. Well, if god is inside of us, then I hope he likes enchiladas, because that’s what he’s getting!

  9. lol, hilarious

  10. It’s Jack Handy.

    http://thinkexist.com/quotation/if_god_dwells_inside_us_like_some_people_say-i/192345.html

  11. Made me laugh. Where have I seen this format before??? 😉

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  1. The value of a young Daughter of God « Irresistible (Dis)Grace

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