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Will I ever forget you?

September 6, 2010

I think it is commonplace to forget various things that have happened over the years. Heck, I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast two weeks ago. Especially with the internet, my sense of time is skewed…discussions that happened 2 days ago or blogs that were posted just half  a week ago feel decrepit, covered in cobwebs or maybe even fossilized.

I’d like to think that I only forget relatively unimportant things…or things that happened a long time ago.

…but is that the case?

The other day, I was thinking about my past years at Texas A&M. I thought, “Hmm…the past two years have been great…hope this third one will go well.”

I froze.

This is my fourth year at school. I’ve already spent three years.

I tried to take mental inventory. See, it’s not so easy for me to say, “Ah, I’m a senior, so this is my fourth year,” because I started with advanced standing…still…every way I thought about it, I had to account for three past years, not two. I came in as a sophomore…and now I’m in my grad year.

I tried to go through my roommates, but I could only think of two.

The first roommate…well…let’s say we didn’t get along too well. One day, I saw him walking for my alarm clock, ready to turn it off. I woke up to catch him in the act. No wonder there were so many days when I had woken up late. (Maybe I should’ve slept lighter to turn off the alarm earlier?)

That roommate had tried to move out after a semester, but after seeing that most of the other dorms on campus were far smaller, he concluded he would stay. That effectively made the second semester even more awkward than the first. And then, after the year was over, one day I noticed he had quietly defriended me on Facebook. Oh well; his mom hadn’t wanted him to have a Facebook in the first place.

Then I remembered my third roommate (my roommate from last year). At the beginning of the year, he was committed to a long distance relationship with his girlfriend (who goes to UCLA). They called every other night, and I heard his many apprehensions every other night. Eventually, the calls slowed, then stopped. I hope the same was not true of the relationship.

That roommate is now a peer advisor of some sort for the dorm. So I guess he’s doing things?

But…I couldn’t remember the second roommate. And I knew that I had not had the same roommate twice.

I tried to think of everyone I knew here, but I just could not come up with a name.

When I asked my brother, he said, “Wasn’t your second roommate that one guy who always was at the aerospace engineering lab? Maybe that’s why you don’t know him.”

I responded, “Yeah…that’s why,”

But I wasn’t satisfied.

…how could I completely forget someone, especially when we shared a room for an entire year just two years ago?

Now I have to wonder how many other people I may forget. Even those to whom I have been in close proximity for a season. How many have I already forgotten, unbeknownst to myself because I’ve never had reason to try to account for their existence?

I don’t want to forget you. I don’t want to forget that who I am today has been directly impacted by meeting you. In fact, I wish that we could’ve had more time together, done something more together. But maybe I squandered the relationship. Maybe I took it for granted. Maybe I was too afraid to go out of my way to show that I cared. Maybe I was afraid you wouldn’t really care back (because you have your life too, of course). Maybe I just assumed that I’d always remember.

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3 Comments
  1. This is just a test comment.

  2. Well, some people take some things more seriously than other people (just observation, not criticism). What I take seriously may be very different from what someone else might.

    I remember the names of all my roommates and apartment-mates from college (there weren’t that many)- but that’s the type of thing I remember. I remember names and dates. I don’t remember a lot about my courses…or books I read. Plenty of people are the opposite. Or they remember obscure baseball trivia (or scripture/poetry verses). To each their own, I suppose.

    I have heard that time moves faster as we age, and that has definitely been true for me. A school year used to feel like forever, and now a year whips by very quickly (for example, it’s September).

    And a person won’t/can’t forget some of the internet interaction, since the internet is forever. I think it is a worthwhile pursuit to think about what you want to keep track of, what you want to remember and what it’s okay to let go of. A friendship you’re not really invested in can be let go…or maybe not. So my suggestion would be writing things down in a journal, but a blog is like that, right?

  3. aerin (kinda working through your post from the bottom up)

    Yeah, of course, I have the blog thing down…and I have a journal…but then the issue I have with this is that many times, I write about what I’m feeling…or try to analyze a series of ideas and concepts. So, many of my journal entries are absolutely devoid of action and people, or the actions and people are only used to launch into brainstorming or musing about ideas.

    I guess I’m not saying that every friendship should be remembered (or even every acquaintance…for things that are less than friendship level.) I just think it’s scary that you could have lived with someone and then not be able to recall them. I mean, if I had written in my journal, I’d be terrified to go read back, hit the name, and absolutely not know to whom the name aligned.

    I agree that time moves faster, although I guess it’s still not too fast for me.

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