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I’ve had it.

June 16, 2009

Since I have lost my faith my life has fallen into ruin. I am miserable all of the time. All I do is throw darts at my old Mormon pictures, my hair has turned, and whenever I go out, the people always, that is one lonesome cowboy. That on account of the fact that my wife has left me, not because she disagreed with me, she just can’t stand the sight of me. Every day I work myself up into a frenzy trying to decide how I am going to try and spite the Church, and ultimately God, who I secretly believe in, but because of pride refuse to openly acknowledge.

:3

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12 Comments
  1. Hahahahahahahaha.

    Love the smiley.

  2. You secretly believe in God?! I KNEW IT!

    what? 🙂

  3. it’s ALL true. i’ve been a sham.

  4. Hope your joking, ‘cuse that sounds just bad… just bad.
    I do hpoe life is better than this.

    Your friend,
    -D

  5. apostasy is very, very very bad ditchu

  6. gazelem permalink

    RAWR….hilarious. I think I may need to keep UR feed around.

  7. Andrew,
    I know you can joke like the best of them, but I cannot tell if you are still funning me or ligitimatly saying you are in a pitt at the moment. If the later, then let me offer you this bit of confort… Take the time to consider your imideat perdiciment, wnat choices led you there and what choices can lead you to what you want? Accually, it may be a good time to figure out what it is you want. I was in a bit of a pitt myself before I figured out it was my own making… The good news is you have the ability to get out of those binds.

    If you are not messing with me on this, I just want to know what is the alure of “apostasy” as you put it? What is keeping you in your predicment? I guess I could think of a few easy answers like: Pride, loathing, depression… But these are generalized feelings, what is keeping you from digging your way out of this pitt, and why are you not overcoming it?

    If you need help, Please ask. I don’t know what you may need, nor do I know what I can offer, but I want to help if I can. You have been a good cyber-friend to me and I hate to think that you are stuck in a bad place.

    God bless you… Even if you secreatly beleive in ’em (or if you don’t at all)…

    -Ditchu

  8. re ditchu:

    Oh, I forgot my oversized awesome smiley in my last message. Please, seriously, don’t worry about me.

    To be completely serious, I am 100% comfortable and peaceful with my life as it is currently going. I just wanted to make a short, direct post playing up most of the “stereotypes” about apostasy (oh, those bitter fruits; “wickedness never was happiness,” etc.,) — and it’s actually a borrowed post from another commenter who had had the same intention.

    In reality, one can’t make one-size-fits-all statements like “apostasy will bring bitter fruits and unhappiness.” Really, it’s about what people *do*. A faithful member can be in a terrible position, making terrible decisions for himself and wreaking havoc on his state of internal peace just as well as an apostate can understand himself and others, making positive and peace-spreading decisions and reaching a state of calm.

  9. Ok.
    Thanks for clairifying. I know I may have ruined the joke as it’s not funny if you have to point out that it’s funny.

    On the other side… Are you really apostate?
    I find that my life starts to really suck when my personal faith suffers. thius has nothing to do with a Church leader telling me what’s up, or my attendance / membership / or “worthyness” in the eyes of another.

    But I know my experience is not the same as everybody’s

    To better days,
    -D

  10. ditchu, I think my being apostate was *old* news. Beyond numerous articles, it’s hinted in the title of the blog.

    Have I been blogging a lie this entire time?

    Personally, I haven’t had any problems with lack of faith, but I know mileage may vary by person.

  11. Anonymous permalink

    Lack of faith has actually been easy for me. It was all those years trying to convince myself that the miracles of the Bible were true, that they were any different than tales in other religions and mythologies that was hard for me.

    I always had a difficult time when people would say, “Look around you. Look at how amazing this world is. Isn’t it just obvious that there is a God.” I would always just sit there and think, “OK, I was with you through the whole world-is-amazing part, but you lost me on the last one. I’m missing the leap where you say that there must be a God. And I am missing the even further leap that not only must there be a God but it somehow must be YOUR God with his gender, attributes and characteristics..”

  12. I agree, anonymous.

    In actuality, lack of faith has been rather ho-hum for me…it’s just been a process of realizing that’s what it was, and also realizing that I don’t have to *try* to make sense of the nonsensical scriptures I was being taught about. I don’t believe in them, so why beat myself up about it?

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